On October 4, 1957, at a secret nuclear test site in the Nevada desert, Lt. Col. Glenn Manning was waiting with his colleagues for the detonation of an experimental plutonium bomb. When a civilian aircraft flew into the area and crashed, Manning heroically ran to the crash site to give aid, but then was caught in the test explosion.
Somehow still alive but horribly burned, the military doctors gave Manning little chance of survival. But miraculously, his skin began healing at a fantastic rate. At the same time, he began growing to the point where the army had to erect a circus tent to house him and bring in meat by the truckload to feed him.
Manning’s doctors soon found a new threat to his life -- the Colonel’s heart was not growing proportionally with his body, and the lack of blood flow to his brain would drive Manning insane before it ultimately killed him.
So, as you contemplate the hopes and challenges of a new year, consider the fate of Col. Manning, and try to imagine yourself in his shoes (size 70, 10xEEE).
In a Films From Beyond exclusive, we have unearthed Col. Manning’s journal from those amazing days after his accident, including his New Year’s resolutions for 1958. Surprisingly (or maybe not), they don’t differ much from most people’s resolutions, even in 2025.
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| 1. Always wear sunscreen when strolling around the nuclear test site. |
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| 2. Ask doctor about Oozemplic® for weight gain problem. |
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| 3. Find a bigger apartment. |
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| 4. Deal with the gambling problem. |
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| 5. Look into anger management therapy. |
It's a shame The Amazing Colossal Man couldn't hang on for one more year. He may have stumbled upon The Attack of the 50 Foot Woman and found true happiness. Not to mention fathering a bunch of very tall offspring. Just think of the possibilities! Have a wonderful New Year, Brian!!
ReplyDeleteIt is indeed a huge missed opportunity that Attack of the Amazing Colossal Couple never happened. Best wishes for a wonderful, amazing New Year Mike!
DeleteWhat a scoop, Brian! Hats off to the FFB investigative staff for discovering Lt. Col. Glenn Manning's journal! It has inspired me to actually make a couple of my own resolutions for the New Year: Steer clear of nuclear test sites and never play darts in a homicidal rage.
ReplyDeleteHere's hoping your 2025 New Year pans out better than 1958 did for the colossal colonel.
Those are truly worthy resolutions that I myself have benefited from over the years. Here's to both our New Year's plans working out! I for one plan to stay away from the Hoover Dam! 😉
DeleteSome other New Year's resolutions for Mr. Amazing Colossal to add: 1) look into Rogaine possibilities for treatment of bald scalp; 2) find the location of the nearest Men's Warehouse to check out the latest in Big & Tall suits (diapers just won't cut it); 3) possible diving lessons for when you head over the falls. And as a bonus--finding myself a 50-foot woman to date via Tinder! Happy New Year, looking forward to your 2025 posts!
ReplyDelete🤣 I don't think the Big & Tall dept. would have cut it -- he needed the Gargantuan and Humongous dept. But you're right -- get yourself cleaned up, get into some decent clothes, start feeling better about yourself, and anything is possible -- even a 50 ft. tall date!
DeleteHave a wonderful 2025, and I for one am looking forward to more great posts on your blog!
Happy new year, Brian!
ReplyDeleteSeriously funny resolution list!, which reminds me that I should buy some sunscreen!
Happy New Year John, and here's to making good on all our resolutions! As a resident of sunny Nevada, I am very aware of the importance of sunscreen. And it helps that they don't do open air nuclear testing here anymore! 🌞
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