The Shocking Image 2023 Holiday Gift Guide

I am sorely disappointed that not a single Sharper Image catalog has shown up in my mailbox this holiday season. Back in late 2020 one magically appeared in the mail like a refugee from a time capsule. As I paged through it, images of massage chairs, deluxe nose-hair trimmers and portable DVD players took me back to a more innocent time when people had the inclination and the means to buy crap they didn't need -- crap that would either break within the year or get shoved into a closet and promptly be forgotten.

After a long hiatus, Films From Beyond is once again celebrating eccentric mail order consumerism with another edition of The Shocking Image Holiday Gift Guide for Mad Scientists. While we don’t have the time or space to post the complete guide here, we’ve selected some of the best, most sought-after items for you nostalgic delectation. But never fear, the print catalog is coming soon to an alternate universe near you!

Home Laboratory Distillery

With the price of alcohol skyrocketing, it’s more expensive than ever to spike your holiday punch bowl with 80 proof spirits, leaving little money left over for lab equipment and chemicals. Enter our space-saving and economical home distillery kit, which is designed to complement any kind of lab set-up. You supply the grain and the chemistry expertise, and the kit does the rest. Never be short on holiday spirits again! (Butler not included). 32” L x 20” W x 18” H. (36 lbs.)

Item 1366613. $489.99

Cavern Air Purifier

Caverns and caves are great places to conduct your experiments far from the prying eyes of skeptics and meddling authorities. But the air quality in these enclosed spaces can be seriously compromised, threatening your health and your livelihood. With this advanced, industrial-grade cavern air purifier, you can filter out hundreds of micro pathogens and toxic particles, allowing you to breathe easier as you work tirelessly to overturn the scientific establishment. 24” L x 22” W x 70” H. (86 lbs.)

Item 6661313. $779.99

Maxi-Secure Operating Table

There’s nothing worse than celebrating the successful reanimation of your creature, only to have it wander off and terrorize the local villagers before you’re ready to announce your triumph to the world. Worry no more with the new Maxi-Secure operating table, equipped with the heaviest-duty straps to keep your creation safe and snug as it breathes in its first mouthful of air. The table can be adjusted from 0 to 90 degrees, so that you can make fine adjustments to your creature from any angle. 96” L x 52” W x 38” H. (330 lbs.; Premium shipping rates apply)

Item 1313666. $1044.99

Mr. Guts Anatomy Model

A Shocking Image exclusive! Mad doctors have to start somewhere, but obtaining human guinea pigs can be difficult for even the most experienced experimenters. Before you take a scalpel to your first subject, familiarize yourself with every aspect of the human body, inside and out, with the detailed and anatomically accurate Mr. Guts model. Featuring highly realistic tissues, muscles, internal organs and a working circulatory system, Mr. Guts will help you prepare for that glorious day when you stitch together and reanimate your very first creature. Makes a great educational gift for kids as well! 12” L x 17” W x 38” H. (44 lbs.)

Item 1361366. $695.99

Floating Head Snow Globe

The holidays are almost here, and even hard working scientists tinkering with things better left alone need to take a break once in a while. Indulge your whimsical side with our exclusive Floating Head snow globe. Made of lightweight, unbreakable space-age polymer, this impressive decoration features a shrunken living head floating in a clear nutrient liquid (pat. pending). Shake it up, and tiny snowflakes will dance around as the head comically wheezes and sneezes. Makes a great conversation piece for parties, or a quirky companion for those late night hours in the lab. (Heads may vary in appearance.) 7.4” L x 7.4” W x 10” H. (7 lbs.)

Item 6136136. $128.99